When The Van's A'Rockin'
by Darth Stitch
When The Van's A'Rockin'
By Darth Stitch
DISCLAIMER: Not mine. Belongs to 2 TV gods by name of Frank Lupo and Stephen J. Cannell and is now a movie directed by Joe Carnahan. Will put the toys back when I'm done.
DISCLAIMER TO SAVE MY SOUL FROM GOING TO HELL IN A HANDBASKET: This is Sushi's fault. Entirely. Even the title is all her fault!
"So, what do you think?" Murdock asked, angling his head towards the direction of the oddly rocking black and red-striped van. There was an all-too familiar manic gleam in his eyes.
B.A. knew it never boded well when Murdock got another one of those weird-ass ideas into his damn-fool head. So he had to nip that in the bud, like ASAP. "Think about what, fool?" he growled.
"The Boss-man and Facey-boy. You know....?" He waggled his eyebrows and leered.
It took him a couple of minutes to get it. B.A. wasn't slow on the uptake by any means but there were just some things that a man would never contemplate about his fellow men. Still he couldn't stay blissfully ignorant about it for long. Rocking van plus that Look on Murdock's face resulted in some very, very unpleasant and unwelcome images in B.A's head. Oh no. He was SO not going there.
He waved a fist threateningly in the idiot's face. "You better not be thinkin' what I think you're thinkin'. We got enough of that fag garbage from Pike and his goons..."
Murdock rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, big man. I don't mean anything bad by it. This is the 21st Century! The Age of Enlightenment! Pride power, man! We're here, we're queer--" He stopped short when B.A. clamped one meaty hand over his face.
"Shut up, fool! You want the whole freakin' camp to hear?"
Murdock made some strangled noises and B.A. took his hand off when it was clear that their loony pilot was running out of oxygen. He gave the bigger man a hurt look. "Didn't know you got some serious major hang-ups about this, buddy...."
B.A. snorted. "I don't got no hang-ups `bout that. I just don't want any of my buddies getting flack from assholes like Pike
- you feelin' me?" Not that he was seriously contemplating Hannibal and Face taking part in the next Gay Pride Parade but still.... a buddy was a buddy. Sacred bond and all that. He had their backs as he knew they had his. B.A. took that kind of stuff seriously.
Murdock sniffled dramatically. "That's so sweet, B.A."
"And I still think you talkin' outta your ass more than usual, fool."
"Bosco, Bosco, my poor innocent nave friend...." Murdock shook his head and patted B.A. on the shoulder. "You have to open your eyes to the slash subtext. The Unresolved Sexual Tension between two men who've fought and bled together. The interesting relationship dynamics between an older man and a younger man...."
Okay. That was it. Murdock had totally and completely lost all of his marbles and there was no getting them back. B.A. mentally wondered how he was going to have to break it to Hannibal that they had to send the crazy-ass pilot back to the loony ward.
Even better, how in the world were they going to find another one who could fly stuff held by spit and packing tape like him?
And then, the van's door slid open. First Hannibal and then Face stepped out. Their faces were flushed and they looked sweaty.
Okay, they were in the middle of the desert, all the way in the Middle East. Everyone was flushed and sweaty.
Face said something and Hannibal laughed and mussed up his lieutenant's hair in an unmistakably affectionate gesture that B.A. had seen hundreds of times over the years they'd served together. Those two had always been close, B.A. knew. Hannibal had shot B.A. himself in the arm when they first met, all because he was so hell-bent on saving Face's scrawny white ass from yet another scrape.
Not that Hannibal wouldn't do the same for any of them. He'd sworn that he'd never leave any of them behind and in almost 80 missions, he'd always brought them back home alive.
But then, there was this look that Face gave the older man while the latter's attention was on getting another one of his favorite cigars and lighting it up with a contented sigh. And B.A. couldn't put his finger on it and he certainly couldn't find the words to describe it but then, he was just dead sure that Murdock's loony ramblings suddenly exploded into something that resembled Absolute Sense.
Okay, he really, really had to stop sticking around Murdock so much. Maybe craziness really was catching.
Murdock sighed. "It reminds me of the Snarry."
"The what?" As soon as he said it, B.A. wished he could take it back. How many times did Hannibal warn him? If B.A. wanted Murdock to knock it off, he had to stop encouraging him...
"Professor Snape and Harry Potter. You should read the slash fiction on `em. There's this wonderful stuff by this gal Sushi... oh, Bosco, I think I'm in love with her, buddy..."
"Personally, I'm more of a Kirk and Spock fan myself," came a familiar voice.
B.A. jumped. Damn it. One of these days, he was gonna have to get Hannibal or Face to show him that whole "no-we-are-not-teleporting" trick they seem to have down pat.
"Facey!" Murdock was beyond delighted. "You read slash fiction too?"
Face grinned. "You kiddin' me? When the new Trek movie came out, they had the subtext and the UST all over the place..."
That was it. A man could only take so much.
B.A. hustled out of there. And later, he tried not to wonder exactly what Hannibal and Face were doing that was making the van shake so much.
He swore he'd clean it out later.
END NOTES: Honest to God, I have no idea what Hannibal and Face were up to in the van. I see no subtext here. No slash. Lalalalalalalalalala.....
UPDATED AUTHOR'S END NOTES:
This story was pretty much the beginning of the Plot Bunny That Ate My Brain and Became a Freakin' Fic Series. I really
loved the 2010 movie, was hit by the lightning-bolt of slash subtext upon seeing it for a second time, then Sushi from Livejournal kinda sicced this idea on me with her off-hand joking around on the Team's catchphrase "if the van's a'rockin...you'll find the A-Team."
Thus, was I doomed.
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